To Tai Chi or not to Tai Chi – getting over myself


It takes me a while to figure out how to incorporate new things into my life. My typical practice is to muddle along with an idea wrapped in frustration until I have an aha that reflects how simple the thing really is. Yes, I try my damnedest to complicate things.
 
I’ve been taking tai chi for about 5 months now and have enough body memory to attempt a session at home but I have been unable to wrap my mind around the logistics. Where? When? Is anyone watching? Music? Silence? Will I do enough? Will I do it right? Will I get bored?
 
Where? In the front room.
When? Whenever I find the lull I seek.
Is anyone watching? Probably Ron Scot Fry, but he thinks that my movements are pretty.
Music or Silence? Yes.
Will I do enough? Yes.
Will I do it right? Yes.
Will I get bored? No.
 
This last question is the crux for me. I used to get bored, bored, bored training for my marathons. Last week, Sifu Kevin explained that tai chi is never boring. Today, I agree. There’s a wu chi space that happens after monkey brain stops flinging poo for a nanosecond. I’ve experienced it in class but never doing tai chi alone.
 
Sweet.

Advertisements

November 26, 2010

I’m grateful that there are things that I can take for granted.


I took a break in the middle of my blog this am to refinance our house.  This is the 6th real estate transaction in my life thus far.  Interesting process and pretty significant.

The first transaction was adding my name to the mortgage for the property in Racine.

The most important was selecting and purchasing this house.  This is the first place I’ve ever lived that both wasn’t a rental and that I helped select.

As a kid, I moved a lot.  For very brief periods of time, we were even houseless.  Having a place to live is something I don’t take for granted.

Ron and I chat about situations that people take for granted.  Being loved.  Being safe.  Having a home.  Having food on the table and opportunity around the corner.  Every time we think of beings (children, people, dogs, cats…) who take these things for granted, it’s with a sense of gratitude.  I’m glad that there are people who don’t even think of those things.  That’s the way it should be.  Our dog knows that he’s loved and safe and it would never occur to him to be grateful for that.  Good.  That’s the way it should be.

It’s good to be grateful for the things we have.  It’s even better when the absence of some of those things aren’t in the realm of consideration.  Like being grateful for having toenails.  I don’t even think about it, but if they were missing my balance would be all off.  I’d be consciously grateful for having had toenail attachment surgery.  And for being able to walk without tipping over.

We all have those things in our lives that we would be grateful for if we weren’t able to take them for granted.  Revel in having such a blessed life that you know that there are things that are rightfully taken for granted.  Congratulations.  I’m very, very happy for you.  And for me.  And for my dog.  And my mortgage.  And my toenails.

Significantly,

Susan Scot Fry

Update… Of course, once you start thinking about it…  It’s pretty fun and easy to list the things I’m glad that I don’t have to be grateful for – and all of a sudden, I’m grateful nonetheless.

October 29, 2010

Opening Day! And an overwhelming sense of gratitude. And anticipation for the fun.


It’s another…

OPENING DAY

Blessed, is what it is.

I’ve already learned so many lessons in this process.  Now it’s time to focus on letting the ghost walks be huge fun for everyone – myself, the guides, the ghost walkers, the town.

What a gift it’s been to hear each guide’s take on the ghost stories.  Every one of us has a different connection and perspective.  Jenni, Char and Ron are excellent storytellers.  I’m in awe.

Tonight, Edie is cemetery sitting for us.  Tomorrow night are Steve and Steve and Sunday is Melissa.  Amazing.

Renee is going to hang out with us all weekend just to check people in and make sure that people are taken care of.

Char, Edie, Jenni and I are going to have gobs (goblins?) of fun with the Jr. Ghost Hunters on Saturday and Sunday.  OMG, I can’t wait to see the little kids in costumes!!!

I’ve got a brand spanking new iPhone so we’ll know up to the last minute if any new reservations come it.  But, really I hope people just walk on in.  All are welcome.  Well, Saturday’s pretty full for the first 2 tours….

I know, this blog is sounding like a sales pitch, but that’s really not the feeling I’m trying lamely to express.  It’s this glow of gratitude.  Pretty amazing.

I love Halloween.

Significantly,

Susan Scot Fry

Update…  WOW!  What an experience.  Learning every minute.

March 22, 2010

I live an abundant and grateful life. What a miracle.


I’ve written and erased.  Lots of second guessing this morning whether or not to say what’s on my mind.  There’s this huge weight of self-censure on my chest.  As a result, this post will be rambly, but I’ve decided to stop polishing the turd and get on with it.

I want to sort through all the stuff (people, things, circumstances…) that I’ve encountered in the last couple of days and the clock is ticking.  I’ve got one more full day here and the reality is, it won’t make a bit of difference.  I think.

What can I do today that will help me be the kind of person I want to be?  For starters, I can stop letting wave after wave of disapproval roll off me, that’s for sure.  It’s like poison.

It’s totally defensive.  I could just say what’s on my mind, but that is a commitment to future conversation and involvement.  It’s not fair to just dump on someone and not give them the chance to dump back.  If I open that door, I gotta be ready to dance.  And to mix my metaphors.  Well, check that off the list.

Hang on, that’s not true.  I have been saying what’s on my mind.  Some of the time.  Except when I disapprove.  Aha.

My control mechanism is to leave.  I’ll be doing that tomorrow afternoon.  Until then, I guess I’ll keep showing up.

You know what else I can do?  I can stop being so hard on myself.  I seem to have no problem telling you what I’ve done wrong.  Where I’m flawed.  Well, I’m sick and tired of being my own whipping boy.

Here’s what’s killing me.  I am confronted and surrounded by the unfathomable sense of Need that drove me away in the first place.  I used to live here.  When you have nothing, you feel nothing but need.  It’s a bottomless pit.

Well, I don’t live here anymore.  I have an abundant and grateful life.  Can I tell you what a miracle that is?  Well, I’m going to.  It’s a miracle.

You know what else I can do?  Teach a man to fish.

Significantly,

Susan Scot Fry

Update…  I wrote this on a comment reply, but it sums up so much confusion.  I’ve been trying so hard to figure out what I can do, but have been stuck on what I wanted to do instead.  Once I gave up pounding my head on the “but what I want to do…” wall, clarity started to seep in.

I can’t fix anything or anyone.  Whew.   That’s a load off.  And, it’s a load I already knew better than to try to carry.  Oh, those things that keep creeping up…  🙂

I can tell my Mom that I’ve got a good life.  That I’m happy.  That I am loved and that I love people.  That I have purpose, abundance and gratitude.  She will consider that a personal success and she should.  Then, I’ll leave and she’ll forget that I was there.  And that doesn’t matter one whit.

Someday, I’ll tell you about my visit with her yesterday morning.  There are still dents in her wall in the shape of my head and I’ve got a hellova lump.  And, I’m laughing and crying all at the same time right… Now!

SSF

February 28, 2010

I’m grateful for daffodils.


It’s Spring tomorrow and there are daffodils on my desk.  Last night, they were buds in a vase and this morning they’re all bloomed.

Today is about gratitude.

Gratitude for…

Giving and getting love.

Abundant women.

The journey.

Life and death.

Finding things in people that I admire.

This blog.

Aha moments.

Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, Consistency, and Clarity.

Red wine and a fireplace.

Sweeping.

Daffodils.

Significantly,

Susan Scot Fry

Update…

Thank you.

I was wondering yesterday evening if I’d failed in being grateful.  But, no.  I hadn’t.  Being grateful doesn’t mean a continual existence of the high that comes with the initial warm fuzzy flush.  It’s easier to feel gratitude when it’s not confused with intoxication.  It’s like ‘keeping Christmas in your heart year round.”  We humans aren’t hard wired to maintain those highs.  That’s why they’re called highs.  Because they aren’t normal.  They’re extraordinary.   Lovely, but not the goal.

I have to allow myself to be okay with not being blissful all the live long day and then consequently get down on myself for feeling down.  I have not failed as a happy person if there’s an absence of tra-la-la cartoon birds fluttering about my head and have already digested my spoonful of sugar.

Thank you.