2012 Occasional Posts · Significant Stuff

Beautiful: Maintaining Friendships

I have facebook friends that I never see face-to-face but it’s a joy to connect and keep up with you through this medium.  This social network is a wonderful part of my life.  It’s a reminder of how many funny, smart, silly, beautiful people I’ve encountered on this path.  Thank you.

I have face-to-face friends and it’s an important and wonderful part of my life.  Last year was an especially significant time in my ‘relationships’ life because I got together with real human beings on a regular basis and, in some cases, our friendships grew.  This was an important evolution for the reluctant yet devoted hermit that I used to be.  Now there are people in my life with whom I may only manage a coffee or phone chat with once a year, but when we set out to make it happen, we both work to make it happen and it does.  Thank you.

Now, the impetus for this post and these reflections.  This is my turmoil and I’m working it out right here and now.

I have facebook ‘friends’ who used to be face-to-face friends but who have dropped me from their social circles.  This isn’t a new situation but what is new is I’m admitting that it’s painful.  These are people who used to include me and it makes me question why they don’t anymore.  Creating and maintaining friendship takes time and effort and there’s not enough of either to go around.  People have to pick and choose.  And yet, I feel like I’ve failed them somehow.  Or they’ve passed judgement on me and I haven’t measured up.  Or that I’m no longer of use to them so not worth the effort.  Or that I was a fool for hoping and believing in the first place.  Or I just haven’t tried hard enough even though my intuition tells me that I have.

I’m done pretending that it doesn’t hurt. Admitting that is my first step to sorting it out.

Susan – it’s time to grow up and move on.  I raise my right hand and repeat after myself even though it sounds like a funky little echo:

“I hereby take responsibility for my friendships.  If you initiate or respond, that’s lovely.  We may find that we’ve got a connection or we might not.  Either is fine.  If you don’t respond or initiate, I won’t try any more and I will stop wishing you would.  What I do wish you is a great life filled with people you do connect with.  My life is better when I stop trying to cultivate friendships that do not exist.  Whether you knew it or not, you meant something to me and I can only feel that that’s a good thing – whether it was realized, reciprocated or not.  With love and gratitude, I release this and you to the universe.”

Thank you.




4 thoughts on “Beautiful: Maintaining Friendships

  1. BIG HUGS for you, I do not get out much – I don’t seem to have enough time for me let alone other people. And I live so far out from everyone that even a quick beverage is difficult. I just want to know that I love to read your blogs – some are very helpful to me in my own life. I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies and I try to do things with others – but it doesn’t happen often – that doesn’t mean I don’t care! Not excuses – just explanations.

    I think of you and Ron often and do miss you both!

    Much love from me and Cody! (Yep – he talks about you both and he is hired on as Jyncks this year at faire…)


    1. BIG HUGS to you too, Betsy. I miss you a lot too. You’re one of those people I feel still connected to even though we never get a chance to see each other. I think I recognize a fellow extroverted introvert.

      Good on Cody for landing the gig as Jyncks. Please give him a big hug for us.

      Much love to you both.


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