Significant Stuff

November 25, 2010

This morning, I’m going to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade all by myself.  Maybe I’ll get out my favorite teddy bears to sit with me. Sure, Ron’s here, but it’s not his thing.  We don’t  have the kind of relationship that imposes ‘not my things’ on each other merely for the sake of company.

It’s funny.  Once you realize you’re alone you not only start referring to yourself in the third person, but you feel the loneliness.  And it sucks.

I’m not interested in constantly surrounding myself with people, but I am looking forward to spending time with other humans later. For some reason, my carefully constructed solo existence is worn thin today.

This is significant for me.  Yes, I am at a point in my life where I  truly enjoy the company of others, but it is always a clear and distinct decision to do so.  This morning, it feels like an urge.

Where the hell did this come from?  Is my Scroogey little black heart melting?  Is it a sign of age?  I have been a died-in-the-wool hermit for most of my life.  Now, all of a sudden, I want to pick up the phone and call my sister.  The evil voice on my shoulder is urging me to call now – there’s a 2-hour time difference and I’m sure I’d wake her up.  After all, I’ll always be the bratty little sister.

Gotta go get ready for the parade.  My bears are on the dresser.

Happy Thanksgiving.


Susan Scot Fry

Update… Wow, this had to be one of the saddest sounding blogs I’ve ever written.  I’m sorry to have layered a shadow over thanksgiving festivities, but it was honest.


3 thoughts on “November 25, 2010

  1. The little boy and I are watching the parade too. My parents, who will go by my sister’s for the meal, called to wish us a happy day. They were consistently entertained by little boy’s exclamations and questions about the balloons, bands, and floats. So if you want in, ring us up! Right now he wants to know where Spongebob is, and that he wants to go see that big apple…


  2. i hope you called your sister.
    It may have been the supreme being urging you to call – to brighten her day – to offer her hope in her existence – to make her aware that loneliness, despair can be banished with sharing – even a shared sorrow is more tolerable than a private success – to interrupt her thoughts of loneliness and despair and futility of life unshared. to bring a point of significance to the insignificance of a life not shared.
    Maybe to get some inspiration from her? some comment or memory that’ll you both shared or can relate to or can share.
    To spread the light of love into the black abyss of sole existence, loneliness.
    I’ve found that sole existence, loneliness, solitary meals, unshared joys and pleasures as very unfulfilling, heavy and damaging to a heart filled with love. An unshared kindness, gentleness, love is not fruitful life. The best way is to unselfishly empty the heart of love – the faster you empty it the faster it is replenished. I have no-one to empty it upon. I feel your pain, thus it is shared and is a tiny point of light in the abyss.


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