It’s not Christmas every day. Even Mother Theresa took a moment for herself. You can’t live in a constant state of giving. You can’t live in a constant state of taking. You can’t live in a constant state of …. anything. So, don’t freak out and consider yourself a failure or on the wrong track if you embody many perspectives over time.
Yes, I’m talking to myself.
Yesterday afternoon, I had been indulging in an intense expression of My Wants and someone took me down. Well meaning, but it was harsh. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I’d done that was so wrong. Or, conversely, whether she was wrong. The answer is neither.
It’s okay to be in an intense “I want” zone from time to time. It ramps up focus and drive. It’s also short lived because it is an extreme. That’s okay. I know that going in.
It’s probably okay to remind people that what they’re manifesting may be selfish if they aren’t careful especially when that perspective comes from a place of love. But, unless you’re with someone 24-7, you don’t know that that’s not what the person you’re reprimanding is all about. All you’ve got is a snap-shot. And, I don’t think she meant to, but it came across as a reprimand and I was shut down. I had no come-back.
I’m not all about selfishness. I use the word “I” an extraordinary amount in this blog because I’m writing about my perspectives and my processes. If I honestly thought that the world was about me, I wouldn’t try to work my way through my conundrums. I’d be much more blithe about blundering through obstacles. I’m not blithe. I wonder about my connections with things. I I I I I I I. Me.
My hope and belief is that I’m not the only person working their way through these things. That’s the feedback I get about this blog. People have told me that they enjoy reading about what I’m working on because they’ve been in exactly the same place. Amazing! And hugely flattering and appreciated. I’m alone when I write, so when I hear that the blog makes a connection, I am in heaven. I feel like it’s worth it when I make personal progress, but when I’ve touched someone else, that’s a miracle. That’s magic.
I’m also the kind of person who drives things. The ability to move forward requires a jump start sometimes. Some intense narcissism will happen. I know that’s what it is and I’m grateful when people tolerate it.
Balance. And yet, I’m sorry if / when I offend. I hate listening to someone go on and on about themselves and then pay token attention to me if it’s ever my turn.
So, what’s significant here? Realizing that it’s good to be selfish sometimes. It doesn’t define who I am. And, at the same time, I need to be judicious about imposing that selfishness on others. That’s rude and paints an incomplete picture.
Susan Scot Fry
Update… There’s also a difference between being selfish and being manipulative. Some healthy selfishness is really good for us every once in a while. If it’s done to manipulate other people, that’s never healthy. It’s important to be aware of our motivations.