I’m vague. Why? Because I am now a believer in playing some things close to my chest. Funny, I’ll confess all sorts of harsh things to do with how my psyche operates or has operated in the past, but I’m loathe to write about my ideas. They’re too fragile. I’m not ready for them to be viewed as a commitment.
I have ideas all the time. Constantly. The ones that stand up are acted upon. Until they go through the wringer, though I need to keep them to myself.
I’ve lived and worked with too many people who regularly announce the newest brainstorm. When it falls through, it undermines their credibility. I understand that sometimes I crave the strength of conviction-feeling that comes with stating, “This is how it is and this is what I’m going to do” in order to get started on the idea-wringing process. There’s a huge temptation to blurt it out, especially when I’m enthusiastic about it.
Not the best process.
I need to take my idea out for a walk and introduce it to people who have some idea-expertise. I need to nurture the idea, but not become emotionally invested in it until it’s ready to toddle out into the light on it’s own. Until the idea becomes a fait accompli, it needs to live close to home.
This is a change for me. I used to feel so insecure about my ideas that I needed to state them forcibly as the new truth and ultimate direction. Conversely, I couldn’t stand any sort of criticism about the idea. Yeah, that meant that anyone with whom I shared the idea was stuck between a rock and a hard place. You don’t do anyone any favors by pretending that every idea has merits. At the same time, you don’t want to be discouraging.
Sorry ’bout that.
Okay, back to digging into this thing. It’s not an idea that will be exciting for anyone other than a small group of people. It does have social impact, but it’s not sexy. It’s an idea that has reoccurred several times in the past 3 years. If we decide to go forward, you probably won’t care. It has nothing to do with theatre or ghosts.
That’s all I’m saying.
Susan Scot Fry
Update… I am obviously defensive about having a new idea. Why can’t I relax? I believe I can when I realize I’m getting tense. Okay, I got tense here. I have no reason to get tense. No-one is going to be angry with me if my idea doesn’t directly support something that they want to do.
Or will they?
YES! I do believe that they will. There ARE some people in my world who are derisive of efforts that don’t directly benefit them.
Well, that’s okay. I understand that they exist. I also understand that I’m a much better human being if I don’t approach my life from their perspective. I have a lot more friends who are just plain happy for me if I’m doing something I love.
May seem simple, but it’s a lifetime habit to break.