This is not a word to be taken lightly. For me, love is not something to be tossed off with no thought. It’s earned.
My relationship with love began with a hard fought and won battle to love myself. Perhaps that’s why I hold it in such high esteem. Perhaps that’s why I don’t give it away. Love is a decision for me. It’s a decision that’s usually made when it feels inevitable. An ‘after it’s a done-deal’ realization. My love grows over time and when I realize it, it’s a delightful and earth shaking joy.
I hear the phrase, “…but of course, I love him (or her)” and I think, “But Why? What has that person done to earn your love? You barely know that person. How can you love him or her?” I understand that it’s easier for some people to feel love. I’m happy for you. That’s a rare ability. It’s not one we share.
It’s like the throw-away “How are you?” greeting. In my social skills ignorance, I used to actually try to answer that question when the person asking didn’t really want to know. It’s just an opener.
So, the L word throwaway equivalent to “How are you? is “But of course, I love her.”
I just can’t say that. And, I’m one of the biggest hearted people I know. I feel a genuine affection and joy for lots of folks. I’m happy to be around them and enjoy their company. I exude this sense, this energy because it’s real and deep. But, far fewer individuals make the leap into Love. If I love you, it’s for life. That’s the only way I know how to do it.
Now, when I think about the people I love, there are more of them. That’s rather a miracle. It’s not just 2 or 3 folks anymore.
I’m going to the wedding of two of these people today. I love Adam and Jenn. I really do. Thank you for that gift. Today is your day and there is lots of love in the air. Mine included.
Susan Scot Fry
Update… Thank you for loving me back.