August 27, 2010

The honeymoon is over. Good.

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The honeymoon is over.  How sad.

I’ve been thinking about people, friends, myself, who have at some point declared that the honeymoon is over.  I’m primarily thinking about work situations, but it happens with most things in life.

It’s like falling in love.  The initial blush puts a romantic film over blemishes.  In a new job, it’s the best place you’ve ever been.  The people are stimulating, brilliant, supportive and have the very best intentions.  The work is creative, fulfilling and rewarding.  The future is bright.

Why, for some of us, does the peeling paint inevitably show through more than the delicious, real texture?  There are work situations that are toxic, but there are others that will become so regardless.  Can it possibly be the person as much as the work situation?  Are there some people who cannot find satisfaction and happiness with an external, work situation because it doesn’t live in themselves first?

Duh.

I have fallen victim to that.  Early days, I was too stupid to realize, it’s not just them.  It’s me, too.  Yeah, I mostly got over that habit quite a while back, grew up and grew a pair.  But, I can see in my way-back-machine window when this blame game was a driving factor in how quickly the honeymoon was over and who I considered at fault.

So, if I feel a sense of dissatisfaction with something, I’m going to call that a warning bell and first look to myself.  I may take the wrong step, do the wrong thing, and so might the people I’m working with but that’s no reason to sacrifice my peace of mind.  Taking responsibility is different than being paralyzed by guilt and worry.  Maintaining an internal peace enables me to more effectively take responsibility.  To figure out the right thing.  To do the right thing.  To grow.

There are areas of my life in which I’m dissatisfied.  I’m not interested in starting a new honeymoon, though.  I am interested in taking the existing love and helping it grow into a rich, fulfilling, life-long relationship.

The honeymoon is over.  Good.  I get to get on with truly feeling good about it now.

Significantly,

Susan Scot Fry

Update… It takes work to get on with it.

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