Even more precious are those of you who actually talk to me as if I were a part of what’s going on. As if I were part of the process.
I am on the receiving end lately of over-40-white-men who cannot respond to a simple hello. My hackles are beyond up. I’ve moved on to anger. Granted, it’s far too easy for me to get angry right now. My resources are a wee bit depleted and there’s not any indication that they’re going to get a chance to be renewed.
Also makes me ask myself, “Who am I blind to?” Who makes me so uncomfortable that I can’t even look at them much less respond to a greeting. Who do I pretend doesn’t exist? Anyone?
Well, I wonder. At the moment, though I mostly am fed-freakin-up.
I need a vacation. One surrounded by women. And my dog. My husband can go too as long as he’s quiet.
Susan Scot Fry
Update… Such truth on the words, “I need a vacation”. I’m not talking about a lie on the beach with umbrella drinks kind. I’m talking, get out on the trail and sweat kind of vacation. Be alone and not worry about making any sort of impression vacation. Get away and not care about anything. I should have impressed on Ron more how important it was, but I didn’t. I should have just gotten in the car yesterday morning and gone. Now the window of opportunity has passed – perhaps not for good, but for now. And, I’m having a hard time thinking beyond right now.
Now, it feels like everyone has moved on and I’m left to start over again. I’ve got this giant stack of paperwork to do and can’t face it yet. I know this feeling of loneliness is not true. I am not alone. But, I am back to getting it started up again. To taking the driving initiative. To figuring out what to do next. Not alone – and I won’t be making those decisions myself. Yet, I’m lonely.