There are times when I need to stand up for myself and the people around me and say enough is enough. Sometimes, that’s not appropriate. It doesn’t stop me from feeling like utter crap, diminished, resentful, hurt, angry, responsible, etc. Ultimately, perhaps penultimately, this sort of situation also doesn’t relieve me from the responsibility of taking my power back and re-directing it.
Sometimes tricks like this are the right answer. Sometimes they are the only answer.
Here’s how it goes.
Bitch Slap. Whack – I’m reeling.
Zero sleep that night. My head is flooded with ‘what the hell am I going to do about this?’ and other indignant thoughts. Never does it occur to me that the answer is ‘nothing’.
Talk to myself in the sunshine. It has to be out loud. It’s all this internalizing and thinking that’s hosed last night’s sleep attempts.
Feel immediately better when I remember how miraculous this trick really is. It’s a short term solution and frankly I don’t care.
Set out to do it. Active is the key here. Passively caring about others doesn’t counterbalance the hurt. I’ve got to actively talk to people. Listen. Talk. You know what, they may be reeling too and I might be able to help them and myself at the same time.
None of the other scenarios that stomped my brain at 3am feels so relieving and empowering.
Getting on with it, now. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Susan Scot Fry
Update… It’s working for me, but I confess it’s really, very hard when the person you love most in the world is in such pain. I’m trying to remain calm and focused.